Hoima

How to make a pizza in Hoima--
1. First, find yeast. This is not as easy as it might sound. One must go to the "Lucky 7" on mainstreet in Hoima and ask the surly clerk. She will, of course, tell you that of course they don't have yeast (first, in order to communicate what yeast is, you must pantomime bread rising). Next you will go to the other good-sized grocery store in town (the other side of town, mind you)thinking that they will have yeast (each time, you must do the bread-rising pantomime). They will not. They will, though, have honey! You shall be amazed and immidiately purchase a large quantity. You shall then successively go to three more grocery stores, the last of which will tell you that it might be found in the taxi park. ???? Don't ask, just go. Ask the bodaboda drivers if they know where yeast is. They will say, "E-42" After figuring out that this is, in fact, an address, you will go to the obsure shop where this man is selling toothpaste, laundry soap, biscuits, and---YEAST!The quantity they are selling is huge, sufficient for making pizzas for the entire town of hoima and probably the surrounding villages--however, you must buy it.

2) Second, go to the market and buy the ingredients for pizza sauce. Tomatos, onions, garlic, green peppers. You must visit no less than six different market women to get all the needed ingredients, and at each stall you must answer questions regarding your marital status and how many children you intend to have.

3) Return home with aquired items. Locate a saucepan big enough for the dough. Make the pizza dough. Realize that it is not rising, and move it very close to the charcoal stove. Realize ten minutes later that it has risen over the edge of the saucepan and move it away from the charcoal stove.

4)Supervise Eric while he makes the pizza sauce, with the assistance of Linda, a precocious four year old. Eric must neglect to tell you that he, in fact, worked for two years in a pizza shop and must continue to ask you questions about the recipe.

5)Realize that there is no pizza pan. Tell Eric "NO" when he suggests that you steam the pizza. Tell him that that is a disgusting idea.

6)Realize that there is no cheese grater. Instead, mangle the cheese you paid a months's wages for and distribute somehow evenly over the top of the pizza.

7) Assemble the pizza, in the process you must get oil all over yourself. (thus, you will look weird and repulsive the picture you choose to post for the world to see on your blog!)

8) CHeck the pizza which is cooking over a charcoal stove every ten minutes for the next hour. When it is finally done you must find out how to remove it from the bottom of the saucepan. Rip it into six pieces in the process. Put it back together for the picture.

9)Discover that your gracious Ugandan hosts do not like pizza. Eat the entire thing yourself (give some to Eric).